Sitti Bandorah shared the good memories they had with late husband Sergeant Major Abdul Azis Sarikon by browsing through the family album with children, Mohd Faridzulhelmy (left), Nurul Liyana (third right), Nurul Syazwani (right), Mohammad Aiman Hakimi (second right) and Salbilina Habir on the first day of Raya.
KOTA KINABALU: Sumiati Suarah does it every Raya. Visiting the graveyard to pay her respects to the loved ones who have left them.
But, this year, her prayers went out to someone so very dear to her – her late husband, Sergeant Major Baharin Hamid, 49, Sabah’s fallen hero, who was among the six policemen killed during an ambush at Kampung Simunul in Semporna just six months ago.
Accompanied by her children, Muhammad Izzat Syafiq, 16, and 11-year-old Nur Izzaty Syafiqah, and other family members, Sumiati was seen wiping her tears as they stood by Baharin’s grave at the Keramat Muslims Cemetery at Mile 2, Tuaran Road, as they offered prayers and read the Al-Fatihah for him.
“We pay our respects to the loved ones who have left us on every first day of Raya, and it is hard to think that starting this year, I have to make it a routine to visit my late husband’s grave. I still cannot accept the fact that he is gone,” said the 51-year-old widow.
Met at her sister’s house at Kampung Darau in Menggatal, Sumiati said it is harder to be alone with her children in the house she once shared with her late husband.
“That is why I am here at my sister’s place. At least I would not feel that lonely. Honestly, I am not in the mood for any celebration, but I cannot be selfish … I want my children to have their share of happiness, so being here with my sister and her family helps us to get over that loneliness,” she said.
In fact, Sumiati said this year it was their turn to celebrate Raya with the late Baharin’s family in Kuala Lumpur.
“We celebrated Raya here last year, visiting family and friends around the city, Tenom and Sandakan. So this year was supposed to be in KL. We even bought tickets for the trip after his leave had been approved.
“My mother-in-law calls me often, and every time we talk, she would cry. She has been persuading me to spend Raya with them, and I am still considering it. I am unwell, and I cannot take long flights, and now without him (Baharin), it will be much harder.
“And, as much as I want to mourn over his death, I keep telling myself that I have to stay strong. I have to put up this strong face for my children, because if I become weak, it would definitely affect my children. It is not fair to drag them along,” said Sumiati, who suffers from chronic kidney problem.
She admitted that his absence was very much felt, especially during Raya, because ever since they have known each other, he would always be the one in-charge of the festivity preparations.
“He would always take his motorcycle to do his shopping rounds as the roads would get jammed. He is the jewel of the family and was always making other people laugh. I have never heard of anyone hating him. Now all that is gone, and all we have are just fond memories of him,” she said, again wiping away tears that had started rolling down her cheek.
But of course, Sumiati is not alone.
Sitti Bandorah Mahalil, widow of Sergeant Major Abd Azis Sarikon, 48, said, she will be missing her husband’s cooking of ‘lodi’, the Johor’s traditional food, this year.
“He cooks the best lodi I ever tasted. I purposely refuse to learn the recipe because I want him to prepare it for us every Raya … I do not regret not learning, but I will definitely miss it,” she told The Borneo Post from her home in Semporna.
Also not in the mood for any celebration, the 39-year-old will just be spending Raya with their four children, Mohd Faridzulhelmy, 19, Nurul Liyana, 16, Nurul Syazwani, 13, Mohammad Aiman Hakimi, eight, and two-year-old adopted daughter, Salbilina Habir.
“We will be lighting candles for him every night for five days and have visited his grave on the first day of Raya. It was so painful to hear the Tadbir Raya and knowing that he is not with us forever,” she said.
The last time they went for a trip was last December to visit her late husband’s family members.
“He bought Raya attires in advance for the children and me. He also asked me to buy cloths to replace our curtains. I told him that it was just too much to carry and would just buy it in Semporna, but he said there were better choices in Johor and insisted for me to get it there.
“So I picked a maroon-coloured fabric … I cry every time I see it. I will keep it safe in a box and leave it in my room for remembrance,” she said.
She recalled that two days before the fateful day, her late husband had joked with her, saying: “I will no longer call you ‘sayang’ (love), I will call you big boss.”
“I was a bit angry then and asked him why, and he said it is because I am the ‘big boss’ of the house … I just took it as a joke at first, but now I realise that he had actually made me the ‘big boss’ of the family,” she said.
Compelled by circumstances to play the role of father and mother to their children, Sitti Bandorah said when loneliness creeps in, she would just tell herself that he is out on duty.
“I would just look out the house and refuse to see his motorcycle. And if I do see it (motorcycle), I would tell myself that he is on duty at the islands. When the youngest daughter calls for him, we would just tell her that ‘ayah’ (father) is at work or sometimes we would say ‘ayah’ is working in heaven.
“My late husband has taught the children well, he used to tell them that in life, we should not go after wealth, but we must fight for happiness … I will keep reminding the children of this and I believe he is still with me, looking after us from above,” she said.
The late Sergeant Salam Togiran’s wife, Marlinah Utan, 39, has been having sleepless nights ever since after her husband’s death.
“I have lost weight as I cannot sleep well at night. The first few weeks after his death, I just could not bring myself to eat or do anything, I was so weak, I was lost, I was devastated, I cried every night and day … but I realised that I cannot continue denying the world, so I picked myself up and told myself every single day that I must be strong for my children because they have no one else but me.
“I cannot afford to be weak, because if I fall, my children will fall with me. So I turned to God and I am glad with the support from family members and friends, I have lived through the difficult moments, and now I am a changed person,” she said.
The 41-year-old Salam also leaves behind four children, Mohd Sazreen, 16, Mohd Azizie, 13, Umie Alia Aulia, 11, and Umie Amira Umairah, two.
“I miss him so dearly that every time in my prayers, I would always ask to meet him, even if it is just in my dreams. On the 90th day of his death, I dreamt of him. He was wearing a white robe and standing on a bridge. I was so happy but also shocked at the same time, and I told him that he has passed away. He told me that he is not dead, and smiled at me.
“The next day, I asked an Ustaz the meaning of my dream. He told me that someone who died as a Syahid (a Muslim who died in a war in the fight for the truth) will remain alive, the body is dead but the soul stays alive. He died as a hero and we are proud of that,” she said.
Recalling the attack on March 2, Marlinah said as a wife, she knew that her husband was among those who perished.
“I first heard the news that one officer and personnel were killed in the battle. Deep down inside my heart, I knew it was him. But of course, during that time, when we were all waiting for confirmation, I kept praying for his safety. It was only the next day that we were told of the bad news. My world just crashed.
“My only regret is that I was unable to see his body. When his body was taken out from the morgue, he was already covered in a shroud. We were not allowed to look at his face. I beg to look at his feet, because as a wife, I can tell if it is him, but they denied my request. So all I could do was to hold his body for the last time.
“We performed a prayer during his immediate burial. It was painful not to see him for the last time, but I told myself that I am still considered lucky as I have a body to bury.
“I have never told my children what actually happened to their father. But rumours and talks travel really fast. One day, my son came home crying because his friends had told him what they heard about my late husband. He refused to go to school. So I told the school principal to ask the children to stop talking and to respect our privacy,” she said.
As for Raya, she said for years they have created a theme colour for the whole family.
“This year it was supposed to be green. My husband picked the colour because he said it was Prophet Muhammad’s favourite colour. But since he is gone, and we are not exactly in the mood for a celebration, I forego the theme colour. I may just buy my children new attires for the festivity but we will just stay home this year,” she said.
However, Marlinah said she would fulfil one of her husband’s wishes.
“He was just promoted and had a raise. For so the past few months, he had been saving money to do some renovations on the house. He said he wanted us to live in a comfortable home.
“I wanted to forgo that wish too, but decided that I should fulfil it in his memory. So towards the third week of the Ramadhan month, I called his trusted friends to carry out the renovations. He had his plans ready so all they needed to do was to follow his instructions. He has always put our needs before his, so it is my turn to repay his kind deeds,” she said.
Apart from photographs, Marlinah said they would turn to YouTube to look at two uploaded videos of the late Salam singing his favourite numbers.
“He was a rock singer, and that was how I got to notice him. He loved singing and he uploaded two videos on YouTube last year. One was entitled ‘Rock Kapak Otai’ and the other ‘Penyanyi Jalanan’. When we miss him, we would watch his videos. He may be gone, but he stays alive in our hearts and minds,” said Marlinah, with tears welling in her eyes.
The tragic incident had however brought these three brave women closer together.
“I called Sitti Bandorah and Sumiati on the first day of Ramadhan, and we all cried together. We were all victims of a bad tragedy, and although we have lost our husbands, we know that we will always have each other,” she said.
When asked whether they would let any of their children join the force, Sumiati said that she would not encourage her son or daughter to join the police force, but as she puts it: “If they wish to be a policeman like their father, then I cannot stop them. My husband died as a hero and he will always be our hero.”
Ten members of Malaysian security forces, comprising eight policemen and two soldiers, were killed during the standoff in Lahad Datu and Semporna after a group of armed men, who claimed to be the soldiers of Sultan Sulu, intruded Kampung Tanduo on February 12.
On March 1, the gunbattle began after the intruders killed two policemen and a soldier in Kampung Tanduo, Lahad Datu, and six others in Kampung Simunul, Semporna. One of the soldiers died after being involved in an accident. He was believed to be returning to their post after sending food to his colleagues in the field.